Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
