I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
