New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
