shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
