My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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