I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
bring money and cleavage
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
