apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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