I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
