Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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