i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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