new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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