I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were trust falling into bushes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
