Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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