he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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