The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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