my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
