did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
