went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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