every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
