Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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