Duck Duck Cougar?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
