Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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