Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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