I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think people are normalizing furries
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
