Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
