I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
