Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
