I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
