My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize