Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
