yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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