Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
