you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
