And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
