my mouth tastes like poor choices
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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