ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize