Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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