just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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