Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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