He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
