and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
