so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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