I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
