My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
