Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
