you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
