my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
