I wish my penis had an off switch
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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