Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
