Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
