I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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