what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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