nutella sex= disaster
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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