Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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