If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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