Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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