i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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