a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
