i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
