Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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