I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
