omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
