he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
