Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
