Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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