I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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