Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
