I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
