FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
