Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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