i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
