Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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