My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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