True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
