I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
