I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
