I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm passing your future prison.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
