Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
