i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
