Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
