where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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